Foster A Good Relationship with Yourself

Before you set goals for yourself, you need to know yourself first. To know yourself, you need to foster a relationship with yourself. You need to rediscover your true self.

How do you cultivate such a relationship?

1. Take some to reflect on what you really want for yourself.

2. Reflect on your likes and dislikes.

3. Reflect on your habits (Accept the good, discard the bad)

4. Reflect on your thought (Deny negative thoughts, build on the positive ones)

5. Accept the responsibility of all the wrongs you did in the past.

6. Recognize your existence and your place in this world.

7. Accept yourself as who you really are.

8. Trust yourself and your abilities.

9. Treat yourself well (As how you would treat someone you love very much!)

10. Be honest and truthful to yourself.

11. Break down the ‘limitations’ that you have built around you.

It does take time to for you to build your own reputation for yourself. Once you have accepted you as you, you have to take care of this relationship. It is much more difficult than caring for a relationship with someone you love.

Successful people have good relationship with themselves. That is why they thrive in everything they do. They know themselves very well.

Well, you can do many things to make your life better. However, the most basic action for you now is to foster a good relationship with yourself. You will see that things will improve gradually.

Boost Your Self Esteem

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Stop Keep Wishing You’re Someone Else

Have you wished that you are ………? It is not something to be ashamed of. Every one of us has been wishing we are someone else, once a while.

It is not so healthy to your mind and soul to think that you are someone else everyday. When are you going to be yourself?

If you live your life as someone else, you would never have the chance to do what you want to do! You have to live up to the expectation of other people.

See what you have wasted if you keep wishing you are someone else every day:

- Time (wasting time to dream about things you do not have)

- Goals (have to adopt someone else’s goals)

- Effort (waste effort to realize other people’s goals)

- Money (waste money to keep up a lifestyle you cannot afford)

Finally, when you finally wake up to your own senses, ……. You’re aged! Your excuse for not able to achieve your own dreams is …… “I’m too old for that!”

So, live for your own true self, now!

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Dare To Be Different

When I was growing up, the slogan ‘Dare To Be Different’ was very popular. Back then, my teenage friends liked to hang out together and they were often seen wearing T-shirts with the same slogan splashed boldly on the front and back! I was the only one who seldom wanted to hang out with them ……. All because I was different!

These days, when you are considered as different, you are treated as one different person altogether. People will brand you names. Parents will forbid their children to go near you. Sometimes, even your own family members will think that you are weird! However, the truth is, there is nothing to lose to be different!

To ponder: Why people choose to be different from the crowd?

The answer is, of course

- They make choices and possibilities to expand every day.

- They have the courage to face the fears and go beyond the fears that bound them.

- They look forward with enthusiasm to the day ahead.

- They have the strength to overcome all challenges.

- They acknowledge their own creativity and power of imagination.

- They took responsibility for their thoughts and actions.

- They trust their own ability to create abundance.

- They recognize their true self-worth.

You can also choose to be different. Nobody can stop you. Life cannot stop you too. Instead, your life is waiting for you to be different from other people's!

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Am I a Failure?

Yes you are, because your self-concept says so. Be serious! Your self-concept is very important.

When you start being suspicious of your abilities, your self-concept is not strong. You expect failures!

In every task you are assigned, remember that people expect you to fail. You may not think that way, but it is true. Behind that sweet smile, behind that 'I can count on you' look, there is the 'you are a failure' thought.

Well, it is up to you to form your own self concept. You set your own ceilings. When you think you are a failure, you will fail. No matter how much effort you have put in the task.

The task here is, can you readjust your self image again? You still have many choices because life is about options. Being alive is an option. Expecting failure is another option. Since you can choose to fail, you can easily choose to succeed too.

When you have failed (because you have expected it, remember), do not go around and repeat this phrase "Who? Me? A Failure?" Yes, you are because you wanted and begged for it.

Your self concept is low and you expect only failures. Being humble is good. But, being too humble is a waste of your living effort!

So, recompose your self concept again..... No ceiling is too high but any ceiling can be too low!


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Could Have, Might Have, Should Have

'Don't fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions; could have, might have and should have.' - Louis Boone

Isn't that just any normal man would describe himself?
I could have .....
I might have .....
I should have ......

However, when one starts to live in these unrealized thoughts, one will never move forward. Yes, indeed failures make us nobody. Living in failure only reminds us that we could have, might have and should ..... but never really have had!

Start living in reality. Do things you want to do. Many people fail everyday. There are many still who made it. You will too, if you start doing something positive instead of lamenting what you 'could have, might have and should have' IF you are successful!



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Think Small, and You’ll Never Be BIG!

Someone said that at a seminar sometime ago. Everybody laughed when they heard the statement.

Reflecting on our dreams, the statement sums it all. When we think of achieving only small dreams, we will never make it big! We may be successful, but only small successes which nobody notices at all!

Check your goals again. Are they simple goals?

If so, maybe you will need to reset some of your small goals to make them seem 'impossible'. By doing so, you will need to dig deep into your resources to get things done!

Think big if you want to attain the 'impossible'. All things ‘impossible’ are achieved when people started to think creatively.

Creative thinking means going for the bigger dreams where ‘impossible’ is a word not imprinted in our dictionaries!


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Know What You Expect From Life

All of us expect something from life. We expect good health, prosperity, happiness, wealth and other fulfillment in life. Yet, most of the time, we are not so confident that we will receive them.

What have you put into your life that you expect to receive from it?
You cannot expect success just because someone told you a formula. You need to put the formula to use. You need to revise and improvise the formula until it truly became yours. You need to put in lots of efforts and hard-work. Then, you can sit back and expect success!

Although it is true when people say, ‘What you see is what you get’; you can still defy the saying. You can become better than the person you are now. You deserve better than you think.

If you anticipate other people to respect you; then, start doing something that will make them have a high opinion of you. It is imperative that only YOU alone know what you really expect from life.

You are the input and outcome of your own life!


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Stop Complaining, Do Something!

Have you been complaining lately? Well, complaining isn’t going to solve your problems.

Maybe, it is time for you to listen to your own grievances too. If you listen carefully, you will find that your complaints are all about other people. If you listen again, you will find that you have been complaining repeatedly about the same thing. Time flies, yet, nothing changes.

Face it. Many times, you are the only one who can solve your own problems. So, you have to take action! The first step is very important and it should come from you!

Check your complaints:

• What are you complaining about?
• Have you been complaining repeated about the same thing?
• Do you know who you have been complaining to?
• Can the person(s) really help you?
• Have you taken any positive move to solve your complaints?
• Why have you not made the move yet?

Do something now! You are accountable for your own life and happiness!

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Winning is not the Answer

When there is a race going on, there will be losers. Prizes are given to the top three winners. However, even the second and third winners are not happy with their positions.

Everyone wants to be the first. If you are an athlete, you will be told that winning is everything. Instant fame and rich offers are waiting for you.

To a real winner, the route is full of obstacles. There are many ‘shorter cuts’ to success. There are also various tempting ‘opportunities’ along the way. If the winner has the prize in his mind all the time, he will reach the finishing in a good time and proudly take away the prize.

However, life is not just about winning. There are other people around us who care for us and whom we like to return the same affection. There are also people who had helped us in the past that we would like to return the kindness. There are also many things we would like to do now, not after we reached the finishing line.

Remember that, winning is not everything. Your fame is just a minute-long history. There will be winners after you. Nobody remembers you except those who love you.

Take some time out now and pay more attention to what you need to do. Spend more time with your loved ones. You have won more than anything else by doing so!

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Be Aware of Your Thoughts

Someone said, we have a new thought every minute of the day. Yes, if we are awake for 18 hours a day, that will make a total of 18 hours X 60 minutes = 10,800 thoughts. That is only for one day!

Yet, what will these thoughts bring to us? Are you aware of your own thoughts? Have you created the environment you want through your thoughts?

Your thoughts unfortunately, dictate your emotional state of mind. Your thoughts also decide the path you will follow.

When your thoughts are negatives, you will not feel happy at all. This will be reflected in your actions, reactions as well as the follow-up thoughts. You will also hurt people around you.

All motivators promote positive thinking. Positive thoughts promote positive actions and create healthy environment for you and people around you.

However, these are just thought. You can choose to pursue them or just leave them alone! You have the choice.

But, always be aware of your thoughts … and think positively all the time!

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Identify and Conquer Your Stumbling Blocks

Stumbling blocks are a lot easier to be conquered if you can identify them beforehand. No matter how big that stumbling block can be, get pass it as soon as possible. Do not spend your time complaining and cursing as that would not help at all.

How do you know you are blocked?

When you cannot see yourself reaping any result from the hard work you thought you have put in. Take a step back. Trace where you have go wrong. No, do not blame anyone, not even yourself. Things will not be better even if there is a scapegoat.

Most of the time, you yourself is the stumbling block. You have too many ideals in life. You put very high expectations on every thing you do, and in everyone who works with you. For you, a failure is the end of everything.

See the point? Get over it. Should you fail to find out what is blocking you, stop looking. Time is too precious to be wasted for that. Start again. You are conquering your own weakness by doing so!


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Confront Your Setbacks

Setbacks are not permanent. However, you need to recover from the shocking defeat fast. There is no need to hide away for a long time. When you feel down, you will not try to do anything. That is sad.

People will only applause when they see you have achieved something. Nobody cares the setbacks you have had before the success. So, nobody cares to ask.

It is always good to confront your setbacks. By then you will know where you have gone wrong. Then, start again, fresh!

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Be In Control

Do you know that your surroundings have no control over you? Things do not control you. Other people do not control you. You are one and the only who can control yourself.

What can you control?
- Your emotions
- Your attitudes
- Your inner dialogues.
- Your thoughts
- Your food intake
- Your desires
You cannot control others, so it is better to control yourself. Do not allow other people to control you too because you will lose your independence by doing so.

If you do not start doing something to control yourself, someone is going to do so soon!

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Impossible is Just a Word

When someone told you it is impossible to accomplish something, remember that ‘impossible’ is just a word. It does not reflect your inability. Do not allow that one word to stop you from your visions and missions.

I found this to share:

The man who misses all the fun

is he who says’ “It can’t be done.”

In solemn pride he stands aloof

and greets each venture with reproof.

Had he the power, he’d efface

the history of human race.

We would have no radio, no motorcar,

No street lit by electric stars,

No telegraph or telephone.

We’d linger in the age of stone.

the world would sleep if things were run

by men who say. “It can’t be done!”

Anonymous

The next time you hear someone says the word ‘impossible’ to you, remind yourself; “I’m possible”! Because when you believe in your abilities, everything can be done!

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Find the Solutions for Your Problems

You have problems. So does everyone else. We all face with problems every single day in our lives. The solution here is not to run away and hide.

If your problems seem to big and overwhelming, get some help. It is not easy to solve all the problems at once. So, do so one by one; a step at a time. Break down your problems. Some of them are just small ones which only need a little of your attention. Solve these problems first.

Some problems can wait. Find the solutions before they become your nightmares. When a problem stays unsolved too long, it will not disappear. Instead, it will be haunting you and your mind. You will be in constant fear. Your health and life may be under tremendous pressure.

Confront your problems as soon as possible. Solutions or ideas do not grow on trees. Do not wait until next month to do so!

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Employ Positive Self Talk Consistently

Self talking is way to rearrange your thoughts. Never be ashamed that you need to talk to yourself.

Successful personalities all over the world use positive self-talk to help them to move on. They encourage themselves, give themselves surprises and presents as forms of positive self support. When they face problems, they do not falter easily. Their positive self-talk give them much confidence and prod them to move forward bravely.

Consistent positive self talk can help you, even when others leave you alone to struggle in what you believe in. Tell yourself consistently that you are able to solve a problem. Tell yourself that you are able to do what others could.

Believe in your abilities positively. Believe what you want others to believe about you. Positive self-talking will change your perception of yourself.

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Stop Pretending You Don't Have A Problem

Everyone has problems. Problems never stop knocking on our doors, unlike opportunities. Yet, we all like to pretend that we do not have any problems. We just prefer the carefree life. Are you one of ‘us’?

Well, pretending that problem does not exist is not going to chase the problem away. Once there is a problem, you need to face it. Nobody can teach you how to solve a problem. Every problem has its own level of difficulty. You need to be resourceful to solve it.

All right, get some help if you want. But, you need to solve it before moving on. Procrastination is not going to solve the problem. Do not wait till the problem becomes a large part of your life as by then you will lose all your strength and purpose for life itself.

Solve your problems as soon as possible!

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Accept Failures and Forget About Them

You may laugh or maybe swear when you read this post. But, it is true. Only a failure will always look back and be reminded of the sad episode of his life.

Life is a journey to be appreciated. Lingering too long in the past and unhappy moments will only stop you from moving forward. So, accept the failures.

Forget those failures. Leave them behind you. Acknowledging you have failed the moment creates new energy and strength for you to face the next moment. Learn from the unhappy moments.

Life is not just a bed of roses! Life can be a bed of jasmines or chrysanthemums too!

Move forward!

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Value Your Gifts

Everyone is born with some kinds of gifts or talents. Everyone has something different than the next person.

Some people discover their talents early, but many do not. Sometimes, you were told that you have talents in certain areas of your lives. So, with that, you focused on those gifts and you made things happened.

Yet, it may be that nobody discovers your talents and gifts. You just do what you think you are good at. Yes, that is enough. That is your gift.

Do it over and over again. You will find more blessings as you carry on. Be grateful you can do something!

Value what you have. Count your blessing all the time!

Remember That You Have Done it Before

Have you tried to do something but failed? Many people would not dare to try at all because they are afraid of failure. Nobody is immune from failures. It will happen to anyone.

Doing something for yourself is a serious thing. You want to get the result of the deed. That was why you do it.

Remember, people see you as ‘doing’ and not ‘trying’! ‘Trying’ is either an effort or just an intention. ‘Doing’ actually brings you closer to what you want. ‘Trying’ keeps you away because of fear of failure.

Even if you failed, you have done something!

Say “I’m Sorry” Willingly

Pride makes a person refuses to utter these two simple words.

You know you are wrong when you are wrong, so own up. Excuses cannot replace these two words – “I’m sorry”.

Say it willingly and sincerely, many times if need to. You have to put pride aside to seek after the ‘peace’ you need in your heart.

Look At What Is Still To Be

Stop looking at what might have been, should have been, or could have been. Doing that will cost you your precious time.

If a broken heart occurred, let it be. If a failure happened, let it be. Hanging onto thoughts like ‘what might have been, should have been, or could have been’ are like trying to mend the walls of Jericho.

Look around you, there are still many things going on for you. The world is still a beautiful place to live in.

Stop grumbling, and move forward!

Turn Your Scars into Stars

All of us have very scars, mementos from our unhappy past. Scars are ugly, and they stuck on year after year, refused to go away even after some major ‘plastic surgery’.

Our scars tell how strong we are, for having to wade through those horrible times that may not be meant for someone else. You may cover scars on you face or body, but that is no way to cover the scars in heart. These scars either make you or break you! Let the scars be your experience. Let them be our guiding stars!

Forgive and Forget

Some once told me, “Forgive them who wronged you, but forget not what they did!” I thought it will be a good thing to remember what that someone did, even though I forgave them. However, it is not the same.

To forgive means to wipe out all memory of the wrongs people did. They are now on the same level as you. It is very difficult for anyone to admit that they have forgotten. But that is the sweetest revenge! Imagine the person’s face when he/she is told that you have forgotten what happened in the past, all his/her effort was wasted for nothing!

These days, I practice forgiving and forgetting the past. I learn to forget the events and eventually the people as well. So, now I live as happily as I want.

Don’t be angry if I don’t recognize you one day!

Never Give Up Yourself

Once you give up yourself, nothing will come true. If you stay on, at least you will see hope. When you give up the little hope you have, you have nothing left. Light appears after the darkest hour passes; however, the light would never appear again if you give up during your darkest hour.

Do What You Love

Do what you love and love what you do. Nothing beats the feeling and emotion that come with it. There is nothing we cannot do if we love what we are doing. The passion, time and effort spent are worthwhile.

If the first time failed, there is still another chance, and many more after that. There are always ways to improve. As you love what you do, you would not mind doing it more than once. That is where the improvements come in.

Loving what we do is very important. Sometimes, we can see some people around us doing what they describe as ‘hobbies’. Yet, they do not expect any monetary rewards from their labor of love.

Even if you do not like what you are doing now, you can still put in a little effort to do it well. Doing a work well will make you feel better and happier. Putting a little effort into a work will make you feel satisfied. Putting in a little passion in the work will produce better result. There would be chances that you will like the work after doing it many times!

Unless you love what you do, you should consider doing something else!

Read a Joke ... Laugh It Out

Have you read any jokes lately? Or, have you been too busy to spare yourself a joke or two every day?

Jokes are made up to give us the needed break from the monotonous of our daily work. Jokes put a grin on our face. Others may not know it, but you will feel better after reading a joke.

If there is nobody around, then you should laugh out loud! I always do that. I do feel better after that, even though I have lots of problems waiting to be solved. Nothing beats the light feeling in my chest as I laugh. I can also feel that everything is going to be all right again.

With the advance of technology, it is not difficult to find a joke to read. There are telcos that offer subscriptions to daily jokes, right to your mobile gadgets!

Read a joke, and if you still feel unhappy, then read more. There is at least a joke that can put a smile on your face again.

Stop Using the Word ‘TRY’

This is a very common word – TRY.

“I’ll try doing that later.”

“I’ll try to wash this.”

“I’ll try to ……”

These are some very common sentences we hear utter by people around us, including ourselves, consciously or unconsciously.

This ‘try’ word always comes with words like ‘later’, ‘tomorrow’, ‘next time’ or words that denote afterward, not now. This then follows by procrastination.

Whatever goals we have set for ourselves are not achieved because our excuses are summarized into a single word …. ‘try’- we are just ‘trying’. We would not be disappointed even if we did not do anything at all. Everything is so simple when we use the word ‘try’!

If you are going to say, “I’ll try to stop using ‘try’.” You will end up trying many times and there will be no stop at all. Just say, “I’ll stop using that word.” Period. That is one less word to say!

Discard Your Self Pity

When we are weak, we bundle ourselves into a state of self pity. This is the worst kind of addiction anyone can be addicted to. Self pity makes us numb to the exuberance of lives around us. At this time, creativity is dead. Our lives just stop moving forward at that moment.

I would not describe in detail the state of self-pity here. Enough to say that it is not going to make us feel proud of ourselves.

Now, it is time to discard our self pity. It is time we learn to laugh at our mistakes and start all over again. Nobody grows under extreme pathetic situation. Learn to walk out of it, a small step at a time, but with strong steadfast steps.

To be ‘whole’ you again, you have to move on with your life.

Stop Being A Victim

We are victims of our own doings and thoughts. We are living in fear as victims.

Victims are always afraid of rejections, as if being rejected means they are worthless. Some of the victims even take it so personally that they lost their lives’ direction.

To avoid rejection, a victim chooses not to ask. Even if he has good intention to do something, he does not ask favours from others. A victim always has a superstitious fear of rejections.

Today, we are going to step out. We are going to make requests and ask favours from people around us. We must accept the fact that people may not be able to fulfill our requests. There are people who will say ‘no’ to us. However, these are not rejections.

Sometimes, our requests are just too ‘impossible’ for them!

So, go out and stop being a victim. Make requests and be thrilled even if the answers are ‘no’!

Stop Being Weak

We are all weak, sometimes. However, we need to stop being weak. Weakness can cause us many problems. Other people can see the weaken us, but we can’t.

As weaklings, we limited and restricted ourselves to many possibilities because we thought we couldn’t do them. This situation also inappropriately restricted our self-confidence and self-respect. Gradually, we lost without any fight.

Stop being weak, as we only have one life. We are responsible for every bit of our life. We don’t live for others to see. We live for ourselves. We are our own testifiers.

Be my own ‘Owner’

My recent readings brought me to a new term -- ‘owner’. I am the owner of my life. Better still, I am the only owner of my own emotion and feelings.

Being an owner means I actually get to be in control of how I act and react, feel and think.

I am responsible over what I said to others. I would not hide when there is a problem.

Now, I heard, observed and experienced events that I once thought would crush me. I’m still standing and enjoying every moment of it! As the owner of my own life, I have every right to do something in each situation, good or bad.

Release Your Resentments

Don't ever allow your resentments tear you apart. Harbouring painful pasts is not going to be good to our heart, body and mind. Piling the resentments against others make us slaves to them. The pain in our hearts is not going to be erased by taking revenge. Plotting revenge is also eating us up, inside out.

The best is, to release all these resentments by refusing to relive what has been tearing us apart. Leave all the pain to the Higher Self.

By doing so, we have released our life from the grip of resentments. We are ready to face the future.

Do Not Judge

We all hear this every day: Do not judge a book by its cover.

These days, we may not judge a book by its cover but we judge our fellow colleagues, friends, neighbours and even family members by their living status.

We think ourselves more superior than those who live in small houses, drive small cars and shop at economy malls. With what do we measure? How we judge others will eventually be the measure that is used against us.

It is also quite tiring trying to live above others. To do that, we have to be conscious with what we do, say and think. We have lost the freedom to be 'us', we have suddenly become 'examples'. Afterall, to be judges, we have to be faultless in and out.

Step down as judge and start to yourself ....... truly yourself and start living.